


Euphoria in the Colour Blue

by Eliasisbiased



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Getting Together, Light Angst, Neopronouns, Other, Pining, a blue dress and a ring, because they are very sexc, non binary character, non binary semi eita, written for hq trans week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliasisbiased/pseuds/Eliasisbiased
Summary: “Semi-semi, you gonna get out of there any time soon? At the rate you’re going, you’re going to miss dinner ya goof.”the enby semi self discovery fic that i wish existed so i wrote myself.
Relationships: Semi Eita & Tendou Satori, Semi Eita & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Semi Eita/Tendou Satori
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	Euphoria in the Colour Blue

**Author's Note:**

> the thrilling saga of getting ray to fall in love with me: part one

The water was hot, almost too hot for him to handle, but the scorching pain against his skin felt good. It wasn’t hot enough to do any long-term damage but was more than enough to be felt. It helps a lot after a long day like this one, where Eita wants nothing more than to rip his skin off and start afresh. He can’t obviously. But this is the next best thing. 

He wants to stay there forever, let the exhaustion melt off his skin for a little while longer.

He’s about to go back to focusing on nothing but the hot spray of the shower when he hears footsteps, and then a knock against the shower stall.

“Semi-semi, you gonna get out of there any time soon? At the rate you’re going, you’re going to miss dinner ya goof.”

Eita’s shoulders tense, “I-I’ll be right out.” he rushes to say, grabbing a towel from off the stall and drying himself off as much as he could before speed-walking out of the bathroom and getting changed.

“Oh-hoho, someone’s in a rush, what you suddenly scared you’re gonna miss dinner?”

“No, I just want to get changed quickly asshole, sorry for not wanting to take my time being butt naked like the rest of the team.” he huffs, looking straight ahead of him as he goes through the motions of putting his clothes back on, already on to doing up the buttons on his shirt.

“Pfft, what’s so wrong with that?”

“Everything,” he says with a grimace 

“Yeah right, ya prude” he jokes, slinging his arm around Semi’s shoulders as they walk out of the clubroom together.

//

Dinner is loud, which isn’t a surprise considering the team, even though other than the equestrian team and the baseball team, they’re the only ones there.

He’s got a vague idea of what the others are saying to each other as he picks at his food, Hayato is complaining about an upcoming test, and whilst Reon is suggesting that he could help him study it’s clear that all he wants to do is complain. 

He doesn’t comment though and instead gets up from his seat to put his tray away, with half of his food left on his plate. He knows that it’s going to get commented on later when Tendou joins him in their shared dorm, but he can’t find it in himself to care, the thought of eating anything else right now makes him feel sick and all he wants to do is go back to his dorm so he can curl up under the covers and act like the day never even happened.

He gets back to his dorm and flops down onto the bed, part of him is glad that it’s Friday, so he has the chance to sleep in as long as he wants the next day, without the worry of getting up for practice or school. He’s thankful for it, he doesn’t think he’s going to be getting up until at least mid-day tomorrow, school or not.

It’s not long before Tendou joins him, though he wasn’t counting the minutes, but he’s yet to wrestle himself out of his school shoes before they get too uncomfortable to wear, so it can’t have been ages.

“Semi-semi,” Tendou tsks, “are you so tired that you can’t even take your shoes off before you lie on your bed? that’s disgusting!”

“Shut up, you literally but so much wax in your hair every day that even when it’s washed it still feels greasy and you’re saying that I’m gross? Really?”

“My hair is perfectly fine, Mr. ‘my emo bangs from first-year still haven’t fully grown out,” he says as he flops down onto the bed, landing mostly on top of Semi.

Semi huffs, “Fine, I’ll give you that one, happy now?”

“Very much so,” he says, lifting his chin to show off his smirk, “Hey, you wanna do something tomorrow afternoon? I was thinking we could go to the shopping center for a bit, see what’s there.” Semi turns to look at him and something must have shown on his face because Tendou seems to soften up, and lowers his voice slightly, “we don’t have to but I thought it would be nice to go out when we can, we could even bring your sister if you wanted to, I know you’ve been saying that you miss her,”

Semi nods slightly in agreement, “and I know that your mums birthday is coming up, so we could get her something whilst we’re there,” and gods was he reminded just how persistent Tendou could be sometimes, it’s not always bad but sometimes it’s so clear when he’s made a list of all the reasons why doing something would be a good idea, and shit if Semi hadn’t been with him the entire day he would have thought that he’d rehearsed it in the mirror or something.

“You promise that it’s in the afternoon and that you aren’t going to try and wake me up at 9 am like you did last time?”

“Pfft, as if I could, you and I both know that we’re both dead to the world until midday so that’s not going to be an issue.”

“Good.”

//

They end not getting to the shopping center until around 4 pm, mainly because by the time they had picked up Semi’s sister from his house Tendou had decided to announce that he was finally hungry after missing breakfast and that he wanted McDonald’s, to wish his little sister, Sayori readily agreed to. He had never been a big fan of fast food but still decided to get himself a portion of chips and some chicken nuggets as he watched the other two laugh obnoxiously at the smallest of things. Still, he found himself smiling.

If he was completely honest, however, he couldn’t really complain too much about it being so late because by this point most people were starting to take their leave from the shopping center, leaving the building a lot quieter, as well as a lot less hot and stuffy than it would have been in the already uncomfortable August heat.

He allows himself to be pulled around from shop to shop, looking at practically anything they could find. In one clothes shop, Semi stood to the side, raking his eyes over the racks of clothes whilst Tendou and Sayori rifled through the clothes. Tendou ended up pulling out multiple horrendous items, all of which he claimed to look amazing despite being a horrifying clash of bright colours and patterns.

The whole time, Sayori is pulling out potential gifts for their mum, ranging from dresses to jewelry and even some face masks. It’s all too overwhelming and part of him feels like a fish out of water because he doesn’t have a clue on where to even start with all of it, and yet at the same time there’s an underlying fascination with it all.

He has always seen these sort of things nice, but something about the silver chain jewelry and the deep blue dress draws him in. It’s beautiful, and he can’t help but wonder what it would look like on himself.

“Hey Eita, you gonna come back down to earth any time soon?” Sayori says, lifting the dress up higher so that it’s at her eye-level, he can’t see her face behind the dress, but he already knows that she’s smiling her head off for catching him off guard. 

“What,” he manages.

“Yeah, Eita you gonna join us, we aren’t here to stare off into space y’know,” Tendou says, his head popping up from behind a clothes rack, and Eita sighs, ignoring the way that the others teasing makes his cheeks warm.

“Right,” he says, his eyes already wandering back to the dress in front of him.

“So what do you think of the dress?” Sayori asks.

“It… it’s nice, I like it,” and shit did that sound wrong to say, “I think mum would like it.” yeah because she obviously likes everything that you like, his mind supplies, he brushes the thought aside quickly.

Sayori nods, a smile on her face as she rushes towards the register to pay, and Eita follows, knowing that she hadn’t brought her purse meaning that he would end up as the one paying. He doesn’t mind, of course; it’s a birthday present from both of them so it only makes sense, besides, it’s hardly like he’s short on cash with the amount that his mum sends him each month to pay for little extras in the dorm, like clothes and snacks.

He’s silently grateful that he hadn’t spent much money on any new clothes in the last few months.

The rest of the day goes by and Eita is dragged by the hand by Tendou from shop to shop, looking at whatever seems to pique his interest. They end up in a small jewelry store, nothing high end or very typical, all the items seem to be either handmade or second hand.

Sayori is already wandering off to the other side of the shop whilst he and Tendou keep towards the front, looking at the large display of rings and pendants.

He stands there, staring for a moment at everything in front of him, taking in the way that the silver sparkles in the fluorescent light from above.

He feels a tap on the shoulder and turns to see Tendou grinning at him, “What about that one?” he asks, pointing towards one of the rings on the table.

“What one?”

Tendou sighs, “that one.” he says louder as if changing his volume is going to help anything.

“How am I meant to know which one you’re on about if you aren’t actually showing me?”

“I am showing you it,” he quips.

“Ah yes, because you pointing at one of a hundred rings gives me any idea as to what the fuck you’re on about,” he says flatly, “just pick it up and show me,”

“Uhg fine,” he says, as he picks up one of the rings, holding it out for Eita to see. It was a slim stainless steel ring, with flowers, roses he thinks, engraved into the side. It’s pretty, really pretty.

He hesitates a moment before speaking, “Oh, t’s nice... I like it.”

“Great! I’ll get it for you then,”

“What! Why?”

“Well, why not?” Tendou argues,

“I-wha…but,”

“See, you don’t have one, now stop throwing a fit and let me pay,” he says, grabbing the other by the hand and practically waltzing over to the counter to pay. Sayori rushes over to join them, a quartz lamp in her arms that looks like it’s going to be way more expensive than it should be and Eita ends up paying for that, partly so that he feels slightly less useless just standing around doing nothing, and partly because he already knows that Sayori is going to ask him to anyway. 

They get out of the shop and already Tendou is shoving the ring in his hand forcing him to put it on, all the while smiling like an idiot and rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He puts it on and shit, he really fucking likes it. He must be doing something, smiling or fidgeting his fingers a lot like he usually does when he’s excited because Tendou’s grin goes even wider, his eyes crinkling around the edges. “I knew you would like it,” he says looking smug as ever, and Eita can’t even argue with that.

They don’t leave the shopping center until it’s almost closing time, and the building is practically empty. The three of them step outside, embracing the feeling of the warm summer breeze against them.

The train ride home goes by quickly, and before he knows it he’s hugging Sayori goodbye and walking back to the Shiratorizawa dorms with Tendous hand in his.

//

Eita keeps the ring on every day after that. The band of metal acting as a reminder of sorts for something that he’s not entirely sure of, but feeling the slight weight of it on his hand, and being able to run his thumb over his index finger and feel the metal and soft ridges is oddly affirming and makes him smile slightly on his bad days as he buries his face in his arms in the middle of class, or is lying on his bed after practice.

//

It works for a while, and Eita finds himself able to get through most days, too caught up in that small bit of euphoria to notice the voice in his head, reminding him that he isn’t right. That is until it doesn’t.

He isn’t sure what the fuck happened, there wasn’t something that triggered it specifically, but today waking up and getting to practice on time seems like a struggle. Tendou ends up practically dragging him out of bed with barely enough time to eat before practice. 

They’re late anyway, and coach ends up shouting at them for it. He feels bad that he ended up getting Tendou in trouble as well, it wasn;t his fault that he was late it was Semis, for being too lazy to get out of bed none of it would have happened. But when he goes to apologize it's brushed off, Tendou just pulls him into a hug and insists not to worry about it. It doesn’t really help.

The rest of the day passes by almost like a poor quality video in slow motion. It's just a blur of things that he can’t really focus on even as the second’s tick by pixel by pixel. The entire time he’s raking his nails over his school uniform and rolling his shoulders in class, using the slight bits of sharp pressure and the popping of his joins as something to focus on and keep him from spacing out completely, and he’s silently thankful that none of his teachers have called on him throughout the day.

He makes it as far as lunch, and forgoes the idea of food completely, making his way to his dorm, in hopes of getting a quick nap before attending the last few lessons of the day. He just wants to forget about today, sleep and hope that when he wakes up it’s the morning, not the afternoon, so he can restart the day and hope that it's even slightly better.

//

He gets his wish, almost.

When he wakes up the first thing he notices is that it's dark. Great, he thinks, that means I just missed half of the day.

The next thing that he notices is the soft clicking of buttons above him, Tendou playing on his DS most likely, he thinks, as he shifts onto his stomach and stares at the mattress overhead. He hears the mattress squeak and a slight shadow be cast over his head.

“Hey there sleepy head, how are we feeling”

Eita scrunched his nose in response. Honestly, he didn’t feel much better than he had earlier, just slightly less tired, and a lot more hungry. He hadn’t eaten much today, just a breakfast bar that Oohira had shoved into his hand before he stepped out of the changing room into the gym.

“Hungry,” he decides.

“Well, aren’t you lucky that you have such amazing friends who thought to make you something in the dorm kitchen whilst you spent your time sleeping?” Tendou says, passing him a still-warm metal container of what he thinks might be soup.

“I’m not touching that if you made it,”

“What’s that meant to mean?”

“It means that unless you’re making a cake, your food is borderline inedible,” he says, smiling slightly as Tendou feigns offense to the comment.

“Well lucky for you my dear Semi-semi, I didn't make it, Reon did.” Yeah, that made more sense.

The two sit in comfortable silence on his bed as Eita starts to pick at his food and Tendou goes back to playing his game. It’s nice, he doesn’t feel the need to rush and explain why he’s been so off today. “How long was I asleep for?”

“Five hours, give or take,”

“Shit,”

“Yeah,” he says, moving to rest his cheek on the top of Eitas’s head, “must have needed it though, coach was so fucking pissed though you should have seen his face it was hilarious.”

Eita huffs softly, “How much trouble am I in when I show my face tomorrow morning?”

“Not much, extra serving practice at most honestly, I mean, we all saw how you were this morning.”

Fuck, this was the bit that he didn’t want to talk about, he nods stiffly, mouth refusing to work to give a proper response.

“Okay, we don't have to talk now, but at some point okay, I’m worried about you Eita, I’m pretty sure we all are.”

The shitty thing is that he knows, he knows that his moods have been affecting the team and he wants to change it, but he doesn’t have a clue how.

He picks at his fingers, “I don’t know… I want to explain it, but I don’t know if I can.” he feels the slight shift on his head of Tendou nodding, and arms around his body, holding him close.

“Do you think you can try?” he murmurs, and Eita nods.

It’s quiet for a moment, as Eita tries to gather his thoughts. What even was this really, how the fuck was he meant to explain it to Tendou without him laughing, or thinking that it’s weird and stupid or- “I don’t know, I just feel so...so out of place and fake, like I’m not even me, like I don’t fucking belong in this body. I just want to tear my own skin off and act like it will make me into something that I’m not like it’s going to help anything but it won’t, I’m still going to be stuck as myself, no matter what.”

“Are you… are you saying your trans then? Do you want to be a girl, is that it?”

“NO!! NOT LIKE THAT.... but kind of, I haven't really thought about it that way before,” he says, and suddenly he feels really subconscious, why does it feel like Tendou has more of an idea as to what the fuck this is than him. 

“Is it neither then, or in between, is that how you feel?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” he yells.

“Do you want to try it out then?” he almost yells back, holding back his laughter. He can’t really blame him, but even still as his face heats up he ends up hitting him and burying his face in his shoulder. “Is that a yes then?”

“How would that even work…”

“I dunno, like pronouns and shit,” leave it to Tendou to make something like this sound so fucking casual. “Think about it, and if you want to, then we can try it.”

“Okay.”

//

He thinks about it, a lot. It’s all he focuses on for the next few days to the point where he actually decides that he news to look this shit up if he wants to have any clue as to what's going on with himself. It’s weird because he's never bothered to look anything up before for research unless it’s mandatory. But here he is, hunched over a school computer in the library, and bleary eyes coming across an article about being non-binary and on neo pronouns. 

He reads the whole thing. Then reads it again just to make sure that he’s not misinterpreting anything. It’s not exactly how he feels in a sense, but it’s closer than anything else that he’s been able to explain, and fuck is it good to realize that he isn’t the only one who’s like this.

That evening he tells Tendou about it. The two of them are lying on his bed, limbs tangled together and his head resting on the other’s chest. It’s weird to talk about at first, but Tendou runs his fingers through his hair in such a way that it makes it easier.

When he’s done Tedou simply nods, “So, do you want to try it out?”

“I guess…”

“Great! What we’re one of the pronouns that you mentioned earlier?”

“...ve/ver/vis” he mumbles.

“Cool okay so-”

“What are you even going to do?” Eita asks, lifting his head up to look at Tendou in the eye.

“Aahp-apapap, let me do this,”

He’s hesitant but nods anyway. 

Tendou shuffles, taking Eita’s hand into his, squeezing slightly. “So, this is Semi-semi, ve is really cool, and I love ver a lot. Ve has the fashion sense of a bisexual scene kid that just discovered the rainbow, and is obsessed with the weirdest shit-”

“You are literally wearing a tie-dye shirt and neon green shorts shut up.”

“Bastard. Anyway, ve likes buffy the vampire slayer, really weirds jewelry and rats, which makes me think that ve’s secretly a lesbian in disguise but that’s beside the point.”

“How does that make any sense, anyone can like those things dickhead.”

“True, true, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop thinking about it.”

“Dickhead.”

“Oh I know, you’ve told me before,” he says with a smirk. “But uh, that doesn’t stop me from liking them as much as I do, and I don’t think anything could really.” his expression has softened from before, and he looks almost nervous.

It takes a long moment for it to finally click in Eita’s head what he’s trying to say, “Oh… oh shit.”

“Is this the part where you reject me saying that you appreciate it but you don’t like me like that?”

“What? No, not its not… I like you too. Honestly, I’m trying to figure out if that was the smoothest or the dorkiest way for you to confess”

Tendou grins, and Semi feels his face heat up again, “Why can’t it be both?” he asks, “But seriously, was that alright? The pronouns I mean.”

“Yeah, it was good,” he, no, ve says, gripping Tendou’s shirt a little bit tighter.

“That’s good you know,”

“Is it really? You sure you don’t secretly find it really weird or anything?”

“Of course not.”

“Oh…” ve says.

“Yeah ‘oh,’ now come ya goof,”

“Remind me again why I’m the goof and not you?”

“Just because,” he says, “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah…”

“Can I kiss you?” that nervous look on his face has returned, ve wants to fix that, so ve nods, and leans forward to press ver lips against his.

They pull away and Eita looks up at him, “Was that alright?” ve asks.

He lets out a shaky breath, “Yeah,.”

//

Eita sits cross-legged on his bed, as the pink face mask dries and Tendou paints ver nails. Ve’s vaguely aware of Tendou talking about something with the others. Ve can hear Both Soekawa and Oohira’s laughter at his most recent joke and Yamagata’s light-hearted complaints about the smell of nail polish filling the room. Still, ve can’t seem to pay much mind to it, too focused on the feeling of the brush going over his stubby fingernails with the cool polish. It’s nice, and despite the smell, he finds himself relaxing more and more as the layers are applied.

The door knocks, “Come in,” ve yells and Ushijima steps in. He gives a curt nod before sitting down on the floor between the others. Tendou yells out a greeting as he had with everyone else, and then promptly goes back to what he was doing, then lifting Eitas fingers slightly so he can blow on them softly, helping them dry.

Ve stares for a moment then turns to the rest of the room. He sees Ushijima looking up at him, face confused like he’s trying to figure something out. “Eita….” he starts, “What happened to your face?”

The room is quiet for a moment, then Oohira opens his mouth to explain, Eita raises a hand to silence him, “Why? don’t you like it Waka?” ve teases.

Ushijima narrows his eyes slightly, tilting his head to the side and pulling at his fingers, “No.” he says firmly.

At that everyone bursts into a fit of laughter, Eita tries to regain vis posture enough but is still giggling as ve explains that it’s a face mask, and isn’t permanent.

He still seems confused, so Eita trys vis best to explain, even reaching for the packet it came from and explaining what it does and how it works. By the end, he seems to understand it, and now if anything, seems almost curious. “Do you want to try it?” ve asks, and after a moment of hesitation, he nods, and in return, Eita smiles.

//

The two step inside their dorm, immediately dropping the bags of presents with a soft thud. They hadn't done much for Eita’s birthday, with just the team in the gym after practice together, presents being fished out of members’ sports bags and thrown over to vim. Kawanishi’s throw was a bit off and ended up hitting Tendou in the face, leaving him with a red mark on his forehead.

Tendou steps forward and immediately flops down onto the bottom bunk as if it’s his, stretching out his arms and shifting to the side to make some room for Eita to lie down as well.

Ve sigh, but follows anyway, placing a hand down on the covers to get into bed when he feels something crinkle underneath him. Instantly ve jerks vis hand back, “What the fuck was that,” he says, looking up at Tendou in confusion.

Tendou grins, “So, I know that you didn’t want us to spend too much money on you but I got one last present that I wanted to save for just the two of us.” he says, pulling back the covers and revealing a present wrapped in silver and blue wrapping paper. He picks it up, handing it to Eita, “Open it,”

Ve takes the parcel in vis hand and with careful hands unwraps it to reveal a dark blue dress. He unfolds it to find that it's` the same dress that they had bought all those months ago for vis mum.

Vis hands tighten in the deep blue fabric as tears start to well up in vis eyes. He grins, and through blurry eyes can see Tendou smiling back at him. “I take it she was right about you liking the dress then,”

“Oh my god, you noticed it, shit,”

“More like Sayori did she asked me to get it for you, from both of us,”

“Of course she did,”

“Yeah but I still bought it,” he said with a smirk, “You want to try it on?”

“Right now?”

“No when the next pokemon game is released,” he deadpans, “of course, I mean right now,”

“Fine fine, dickhead.” ve says, but complies anyway, quickly changing into it, keeping ver eyes fixed on the desk chair in front of vim as ve does. The material is soft against ver skin and drops just above vis knees. Ve runs his hand over the skirt, and once again ve feels like crying as ver cheeks begin to hurt slightly.

When ve feels like the smile on vis face has calmed down slightly, he turns around to fave Tendou. Ve smiles again as he looks at the other’s face. “How do I look?” he asks, almost jokingly. 

Tendou just stares back with an expression of awe on his face as he collects his words, “Absolutely gorgeous,” he says.

And for once, Eita kind of believes it.

**Author's Note:**

> i had a fucking blast writing this honestly, comments are always appreciated, and I'll see you whenever i next decide to update haghfsdgh


End file.
